It hasn't quite hit me yet. Summer is slowly making its departure, and Autumn is almost here. I have to admit that I'm kind of saddened by it. It means that our days of playing at the park, going on little family excursions to some of our favorite spots in Seattle. But I guess more importantly, it means that both of my boys will be going to school this year! Seriously, where did the time go? Have I really become the mom of a kindergartener and a preschooler?
Ben started Kindergarted this past Tuesday. The week before school started I was just a mix of emotions. Everytime I drove past the school I would get all teary eyed just knowing that soon, my little boy will be roaming the halls, having to go to school with 'big' kids, and making new friends. I knew that when the actually day arrived I would be a basketcase. I mean I can't even drive by the school without tears, how am I possibly going to be able to bring him to school, drop him off and leave him?
How did I do? I think all those drives past the school did some good. I was able to get some of what I was feeling out of the way. Surprisingly, when we went to drop him off the tears were nowhere to be found. Ben did really well! He was so excited to get to know his new teacher and make new friends. It really helped, both Ben and me that 40 other kids from our neighborhood also started Kindergarten. So Ben was happy to see his little friends. And I was happy to see some of my friends who were going through the same thing.
The tears didn't come flooding in until we left the school and got home. It was really strange not having Ben home after hearing his feet stampeding on our floors...lol. I basically lost it. I know that other moms are more than happy for their kids to start school, and there were some days over the summer vacation that I wouldn't wait for him to go to school, haha.
After having some time to reflect on my emotions I think I have figured out why his first day got to me the way it did. When he started preschool I thought I would be a mess, but I wasn't. I was able to help out in his classroom. So I could see if there were any kids that were being mean to Ben. But now that he is in Kindergarten it's a different story. Sure, I can still help out in his classroom. But I can't protect him the way I could in preschool. He is in school with the 'big kids' now. I know that you can't always protect your kids from everything, from bullies and from other things that can hurt them. It's just nature to want to protect your babies, right?
I guess while Ben is learning the things he needs to know to help him progress in school, I'm learning too. My lesson for this school year is learning to let go and to trust that what we have taught him sticks. To trust that we have taught him to be a good person. To trust that his teacher will take care of him.